The Power of Kindness

It seems like the further we get into the school year, the more difficult it becomes for students (and sometimes teachers!) to treat others with kindness.  I don't necessarily mean just being nice, either, but genuinely being kind.  We use those words inter-changeabley, but to me, they don't mean exactly the same thing.  Being nice, in my interpretation, means being pleasant, not bothering others, politeness, smiling, avoiding confrontation and being civil.  Kindness, however, evokes action.  You have to go out of your way to be kind.  You have to choose to show love and friendship to others. Being kind means I choose to do something for someone else.  If they need help, I'm going to be there, often before they ask.  If I have something to share, I'll do it.  If someone says something ugly or tries to upset me, I go above and beyond and respond with something positive.  I don't just want my students to be nice.  I want them to be kind.
How do we help our students to show kindness to others? It isn't just through telling them to do so, we have to discuss it with them and we have to model it. We have to make a huge deal out of it when we see it and we have to lavish praise on our students who demonstrate kindness on a regular basis.  It can be infectious if we really attempt to spread it!
Begin by talking with your students about what it means to show kindness.  What are some situations we can be in where we need to show kindness? They will say the obvious, like, "When my friend falls down, I help him up" or "I pick up his pencil".  Let's talk about the less obvious.  "When I hear someone say something mean to another student, I say something nice and then later, I go back and say another nice thing to the name-caller so they know they are also valued. I loan my eraser to a friend who is clearly struggling with a broken eraser.  I hold the door for someone who's hands are full.  When I see people ganging up on another child, I take a stand and I help the victim to know they are cherished". These are important situations where our children are missing opportunities to show kindness.
We also need to make them aware of situations where they are not being kind.  It isn't enough to tell a student, "Don't say that," or, "That's mean." We need to take these opportunities to point out that, first of all, they are not being kind, and second of all, they have an opportunity to be kind if they choose to be, and they must demonstrate that they know how to be kind by replacing ugly words with kind ones.  They should speak directly to the person they were being disrespectful to and say something kind to or about them--not their hair, their shoes, their clothing, but the person.  So, if a student says, "You'r so stupid," they could replace it with, "You always try really hard, even when you're not sure how to do something." We want to create an environment where children feel safe and where it is known that they care about each other.  Sometimes we feel so pressured to cover all of the student expectations in the curriculum, we forget that we must also cover the student expectations in life.  We can no longer assume our students are getting this information from home. Sadly, there are often no good roll models for kindness at home and the only way we are going to reach these children is through modeling it in our classrooms.
I believe every child wants to feel loved, valued, respected, and safe.  If we allow children to cut each other down, we create an environment where learning competes with emotional safety.  When that happens, learning will always lose. We are called upon to teach our students that they must make good choices even when no one is watching because that's when it counts the most.  We must teach them to listen to their own conscience and we must teach them that the feelings they have inside when they do something kind far outweigh the feelings they have when choices are not so good.  If we do not make every effort to teach these lessons to our children, we will spend most of the year fighting against a wall of ugliness that we cannot defeat.  It must be a united, concerted effort on the part of all staff that kindness counts here and ugliness has no place in our school building.  This also includes how the staff speaks to--and about--each other.

Photo from whatislistening.com

I am lucky that I work in a place with an amazing staff and some very sweet children.  We each have days when it's hard to be kind and children are the same way.  It's much easier to change the attitude of one child each day than it is to squash a culture of disrespect.  When a school climate embraces kindness and love, you can feel it throughout the building--it's tangible, it's electric, and it's empowering.  Each day we make a choice, are we choosing kindness and happiness today--or something else?  I choose kindness.  Now, it's my job to spread that kindness to others.  What actions have you taken today to teach your students about the power of kindness?